b.i.f.

so today is thursday, right? i keep forgetting. it's hard to remember since my parents and i went on an expedition yesterday morning and didn't get back "home" (san isidro, la princessa hotel) until this afternoon. We left early wednesday morning in search of a beach. Or at least that's what I thought. We stopped at the hippie beaches for a quick drink and a bite and were off to a favorite restaurant of my parents where we ordered a warm goat cheese and apple salad. Upon our arrival to the restaurant, "Exotica," where I was expecting a dance floor and half naked men(?), our car went on the fritz. Not the first time since I have been down here, might I add. The clutch went out, we went to get it fixed at the local firestone tires in town where I, ok WE, partook in a people's magazine crossword from April 2009. I did most of it though. when the car was presumably "done," we drove to gary's (the 50 year-old vegan who lives in the jungle without electricity). note to self: make sure you always have electricity, especially in the jungle, don't fuck around with that shit. it was almost pitch black by the time we got out of there. which we finally did. It was like going to grandmother's house to get to and from gary's. we were blazing trails and traversing shallow rivers before we even approached his "driveway." Once we got outta there we decided to get a quick bite at a hotel restaurant where my parents had stayed a couple years back. One hour, two heinekens and a grilled mahi mahi later (yep, all me) we headed back to san isidro. while it was still pretty early at this point, it was already dark. it gets dark pretty early down here, being so close to the equator and all. we weren't a hundred meters from the restaurant when, drum roll please, the car completely shut down. we had to get the hotel manager to help us push our baby over to the parking lot of a nearby bar and restaurant. it was inevitable, we were staying the night in uvita (oh yeah, that's the name of the town). the upside of everything was the fabulous pool i would have the priviledge of hanging out at the netxt. the downside, of course besides the whole car situation, was staying in the same room as my parents without tv. dad was like, "so do we have to like, talk now?" hahaha. oh dad. of course not. we all took xanax's and passed out. the next day ma and pa waited for the car to get fixed while i waded in the water, listened to sufjan, read anthony bourdain, and generally didn't give a fuck. prude that i am, i only brought a one-piece. i know, right? i'm 22 and i bathe like a 50 year-old. whatever. i realized, wearing this one-piece, j.crew i might add, that i officially have a b.i.f. The thing my friends and I made fun of our teachers for having in middle school. We even made a video about it featuring one 12 year-old wearing a pillow in her pants to demonstrate. A b.i.f., i suppose i should point out, is a "butt in front." What are you gonna do? Too much beer and too much college fun are the guilty parties. Back home now, after a long day of travelling, finally taking advantage of the comforts of home, like being on my laptop, i have decided it is finally time to day drink and get sentimental. oh how i wish the gardener was a pool boy and thirty years younger...